Relationship: Help, my hubby comes too quickly

Dear Bunmi,

After only five years of marriage, my husband seems not to be interested in sex— at least with me! We didn’t have sex before we married for religious reasons, but since we’ve been together, he’s avoided getting intimate.

I always have to make the first move or dress up to tempt him. The few times we do have sex, it is over so quickly in about a minute and I end up unsatisfied. Please help!

Jumoke, by e-mail.

Dear Jumoke,

I can hear your disappoint-ment! You must be feeling a lot of frustration right now. You’ve waited until marriage to have sex and now your husband doesn’t appear to be up to the task. It would be easy to blame yourself, but this almost certainly says more about your husband.

If sex is very quick, then he may be suffering from premature ejaculation. This is a condition where a man ejaculates within a minute or so of getting an erection; sometimes so quickly that penetration isn’t possible.

It is estimated that 40 percent of men suffer premature ejaculation at some point. Sometimes it is temporary, but for others it is a lifelong condition— causing a lot of frustration to both partners.

Sexual problems can be difficult to cope with and for some, it is easier to avoid sex than face up to the truth. Your husband may be avoiding intimacy because he doesn’t want to let you down again and feel the disappointment of not being all he knows you’d like him to be.

The good news is there are treatments for premature ejaculation and new medications on the horizon. All you need to do is persuade your husband to get help from his doctor. Find a relaxed time to tell him how you’re feeling and suggest you see the doctor with him if it helps.